Just like any other loving and caring parent, you want to continue to have a great relationship with your child after the separation or divorce. To do this successfully, you need to realize that now you need to cooperate with your ex-spouse as a parent, not as a partner. For obvious reasons, during separation, there is conflict among the parties involved. This could be very damaging to kids. As a matter fact, one of the hardest things about divorce or separation with your spouse is worried about the effect it will have on kids and the potential risk of not having a good relationship with your kid. Separation and divorce affect a significant portion of Australian children. In 2009, there were close to 50,000 divorces granted, with nearly 25,000 of those divorces involving children under 18 years of age. Research shows that even after 10 years of separation some kids fantasize about the reunion of their parent. Here are some things, we suggest you keep in mind if you are going through a similar situation in life.
You can do something about this:
Separation and divorces are ugly and nasty, so are the stains left on the lives of the children involved in this process. First and foremost you need to realize, not every parent is able to continue their bond or even relationship with their kid. There are no easy ways out of these situations. We advise you to seek a professional’s help in this regard before the further advancement of the process.
Here are some quick tips to preserve your bond with your child in an ugly and tough situation like separation or divorce.
- Try to be more engage in a kid’s life.
- Put more effort into building a strong relationship with your kids by investing time and effort in communication.
- Try to remain on good terms with your ex-partner and communicate effectively about the kid.
- Try to involve more by finding ways to overcome the problems faced by kid even when you are not staying together.
You need to ask yourself constantly:
- What type of parent I want to be in my kid’s eye
- What kind of legacy I want to leave for my kid as a parent
- What do I want him to think about me
Many people have to go through this tough situation in life in which they had to try their best to be a good parent even from a distance. Whatever you are facing in life right now, we can tell you things tend to change in the long run, for the betterment.
DON’T LOSE TOUCH:
One of the most important and much-needed advice that could be offered to you is don’t lose contact with your kid. All children lose out when parents get divorced. This the loss of access to both parents in the hour of need and it can pose serious threats to kid’s development. You always need to remember one thing, you can be an ex-partner but can never be an ex-parent. Although after separation you are experiencing loss of touch and you are sure your kid misses you as well. So here is what you can do to improve the situation.
- Try to put more effort into the relationship with your kid
- Try your best to minimize your conflicts with your ex-partners
- Try to look after yourself
- Even if you feel the loss of contact, remember you mean a lot to your kid and try to keep in touch and maintain the contact
WOULD THEY BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU?
This depression phase after the separation until the recovery period can involve a lot of miserable, pitiful thinking about yourself. At times like this, you have to keep reminding yourself two parents working it out and being functional is what is best for your child and NO they can never be better off with you. Even you do not live with your kid anymore, you are still the parent. Your kids deserve to know that they are loved and you will get to any length to make them happy. They are worth all this effort.
There is a fair chance that you lose the trust of your kid and then have to work hard to regain it. It is not just the hard work and effort which is required here but also patience because it can take time.
Various studies have suggested that children need both parents while growing up. Involvement of both parents has proven to be better for kid’s development and their self-esteem as kids learn from both parent’s experience’s in life.
Helping Kids Cope:
Helping kids cope with the trauma caused by your decision is another process that can help you to have a close bond with your kid. You need to explain to your kids that it is ok to wish for the reunion of parents but it is vital to accept the situation as it is.
Here are some ways to help kids cope:
Help them put their feelings into words:
This is very important. Kid’s behavior can give you a sneak peek into their feelings of sadness or betrayal or anger and loss of identity, in some cases. Try your best to be a good listener, even if it gets really tough to listen to them.
Get help:
This is the best advice we can offer. We understand that the experience of divorce or separation can be traumatizing not just for your kids but also for you. It is not a time to stay separate and hide from society rather reach out to seek help. Support groups can play a major role or you can use online resources or can contact a religious leader. Using help can set a good example for your kids about adjusting to this major change.
Getting help from a therapist or a friend from emotional healing can help to set healthy boundaries with your kids. It is very important to not to lean on your kids for emotional help.
REMEMBER – YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED BY A NEW PARTNER OR BY ANYONE ELSE:
Always remember you cannot be replaced In your kid’s life, not even your partner.
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